Harry's Cure For Boredom
by cheri1
Summary: Harry is bored and decides to have a little fun tormenting his good friend, Peter. One Shot.


A/N: This is a very old fanfic. I did it way before Spider-Man 3, so Harry is a bad guy in this story.

"God, I'm bored," Harry said, as he flipped through the TV channels in his apartment.

He looked from the TV around at the meager accommodations. He hated living in such a shitty little place, but after he had decided to become the Goblin and Peter had found out who he was, he realized he couldn't live in the mansion anymore. Not without risking Peter or the cops busting in one day and throwing him in jail.

He sighed as he turned off the TV. He was so bored it wasn't even funny. He got up and went to the refrigerator as he thought of what he could do to relieve his malaise. He reached in, opened the carton of milk, and began to drink from it.

_Milk, it does a Goblin good._ he thought as he drank.

He finished sipping the milk and held the carton in front of him as he thought.

_There's nothing on TV and there's no movie on right now that I feel like seeing either._

He took another swig of milk.

_Could go stir up some trouble. That's always good for a laugh, especially when Peter shows up._

Harry finished drinking and closed the carton back up.

_Nah, goody goody Parker would probably beat me if I went up against him,_ he thought as he sat the carton back in the fridge and closed the door. _I still haven't gotten the hang of being the Goblin yet, at least not enough to win a fight with Peter._

He stood for a moment and then a smile spread over his face.

_However, nothing says I can't have a little fun and torment him for awhile. I bet he'd welcome it too. He's probably just as bored as I am, busting the same old criminals day after day. I'd just be doing him a favor._

Harry nodded as he decided that sounded like the perfect way to spend the afternoon. He headed into the back room of the apartment to retrieve his glider and flight suit.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Ah, now this is more like it!" Harry said to himself as he flew above New York on his glider. "Stupid Parker doesn't know what he's missing. I'd rather fly along on the glider than have to work shooting out those retarded webs like he does."

He looked down and noticed a group of people walking along the sidewalk.

"Okay, Harry, time to let Peter know you're here," he said.

He angled his glider down until he was about one story above the sidewalk. He pushed a button on his flight suit and machine gun fire began to emanate from under the glider. He laughed as he strafed the people below who were screaming frantically and dodging the bullets.

"Just trying to get some adrenaline pumping for you folks, you'll need it to get through your busy day," Harry called out to them.

He did this for a few moments and then broke off the attack. He soared back up above the buildings and hovered in the air waiting for Spider-Man to show up. As the minutes passed, Harry stood and waited, folding his arms over his chest and drumming his fingers on his arm.

"Come on, where are you?" he muttered.

He sighed when he saw no sign of Spider-Man.

"What the Hell? Where is he? I could have destroyed a city block by now," he said.

He shrugged.

"I guess I'll have to try something else to get his attention."

He reached into his bomb bag and pulled out a pumpkin bomb. He pressed the detonator and lobbed the bomb up into the air as hard as he could. He quickly backed up as the bomb exploded in a huge fireball above the buildings. He smiled as he noticed the windows rattling around him.

"That oughta get his attention," he said.

He stood again and waited. Finally, after a few moments, he finally made out a red and blue blur coming towards him.

"About damn time," he said.

He waited until Peter was just about to pounce on him, then, he reached into his bag and pulled out a white pillowcase and began to whip it around frantically. Harry smiled as he saw that Peter angled his swing and landed on the side of the building instead of him.

Waving the pillowcase, Harry glided over to the building as Peter crawled up it and crouched on the ledge.

"Hello, former friend of mine," Harry said as he stopped a few feet away from him.

"What do you want, Harry?" Peter said, folding his arms over his chest.

He pointed to the pillowcase.

"Are you surrendering to me so you can go get some therapy at last?"

"Hell, no, I just was bored and wanted to see my old bosom buddy. I figured you and I could have some playtime for awhile," Harry said, grinning.

"Your kind of playtime I could do without," Peter said.

"Oh, don't be like that. I keep life interesting for you. If it weren't for me, you'd be in a rut just going after petty thieves and pickpockets and rapists and people like that."

"Oh yeah, "Peter said sarcastically. "I often wake up in the morning and hope to myself that today I'll get a supervillian instead of a carjacker. I just can't get enough of your bombs exploding around my head as I'm fighting you. It's a real rush."

"Aw, don't be that way, Pete. I'm doing you a real service. I keep your body and your reflexes in shape. You should be thanking me."

Peter snorted.

"Yeah, thanks Harry for making my life a living Hell," he said, sarcastically.

"Speaking of making your life a living Hell, why don't I do just that?"

Harry thought.

"Hmmmmm, how about if I kidnap MJ and you chase after me, does that sound like fun?" he said.

"No."

"Um, how about Aunt May then?"

Peter leapt to his feet and balled his hands into fists.

"Um, no, I guess your Auntie is off limits judging from that response. Well, how about your boss, Jameson, then?"

"No!"

"Damn, Peter, not even your boss? I thought you didn't like him that much."

"I don't. But I like him well enough not to have you kidnap him," Peter said.

"Jesus, Peter, you are a wet blanket. Well, I'm not gonna sit here and be bored all afternoon. So, I think I'll go after MJ. She's always good for a kidnapping."

Peter advanced towards him.

"You even think of putting your hands on her, I'll personally take that glider and jam it up your ass."

Harry looked down at the glider.

"Wow that would be painful, alright."

He looked at Peter.

"Eh, I'll risk it. Last one to MJ's place is a rotten egg!"

He hit the accelerator and zoomed past Peter as he screamed at him.

"Come on, Peter or you'll miss the kidnapping," Harry called out as Peter shot out a web line.

He let off on the accelerator a bit and looked around at Peter as he tried desperately to keep up with him.

"Come on, dumbass, go faster!" Harry said. "You don't want your beloved in the hands of a maniac like me, do you?"

"When I catch up with you, Harry, so help me God, you are gonna wish you never messed with me today," Peter screamed at him.

Harry sighed as he closed and opened his hand rapidly.

"Yak,yak,yak, all blow and no show," he said to himself.

He smiled when he flew towards Mary Jane's apartment. He saw Mary Jane out on the balcony with her back to him watering her plants. Harry snickered.

"Pilot to co-pilot, we have target in sight," Harry said to himself. "Shall we engage?"

Harry snickered.

"Co-Pilot to pilot, you have permission to kidnap. Proceed."

Harry saluted.

"Roger that, going in."

He angled his glider in so he was just slightly above MJ's head.

"MJ! Watch out!"

Harry rolled his eyes.

"Damn it!" he yelled back as Mary Jane turned around. "I was in the middle of a sneak attack here!"

Harry shrugged. As he reached Mary Jane, He reached down and grabbed her around the armpits as she turned and tried to run back into the apartment.

"Hello, MJ and welcome aboard Goblin airlines." Harry said, in her ear as Mary Jane screamed in front of him. "I'll be your pilot for this afternoon. The emergency exits are to the sides, but please watch it if you have to use them. The first step is a doozy. The in-flight movie today will be Alive, which is probably how you will wish you will be after this is all over. Peanuts and soft drinks will be served shortly…."

"Spider-Man! Help!" Mary Jane screamed.

"What? Are you not happy with first class?" Harry said in her ear.

He snorted.

"Tourists, never satisfied with anything."

He looked back over his shoulder and saw that Peter was trying desperately to keep up with him.

"Wow! That must be Hell on your muscles!" Harry called out to him. "I'm glad it's not me doing that!"

He looked at Mary Jane who was still screaming frantically.

"Tell me something, you like the color green more than red and blue right?"

"Spider-Man!"

"Huh? Spider-Man is your answer to my question? What an odd thing to say. Spider-Man isn't a color," Harry said, giggling.

He glanced back at Peter who had almost caught up to him.

"God, you're good, tell me, Spidey, do you use Soloflex to keep in shape or something?" he called back to him.

"Let her go!" Peter cried out.

"Let her go? You mean now?" Harry said, loosening his grip on Mary Jane for a moment.

Mary Jane screamed as she began to slide off the glider. Just as she was about to go, Harry pulled her back. He smirked at Peter as Peter let out a scream of rage.

"Guess your snookums didn't mean for me to drop you off right here," he said in Mary Jane's ear.

He looked all around.

"Now, where would be a good place to put you?" he muttered to himself.

He saw the Empire State Building and grinned.

"A-ha, that's a pretty dramatic spot."

He looked back at Peter and laughed as he hit the accelerator and zoomed away from Peter.

"Nah nah na na nah! I have Marrrry Jaaaaaaane!" Harry cried out to him as Peter let out another angry yell.

As they zoomed towards the spire of the Empire State Building, Harry smiled. He suddenly wasn't bored any more.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Jesus, MJ, you scream like a banshee when you want to," Harry said, as they zoomed along. "You're gonna end up with laryngitis if you don't watch it."

He glanced down and noticed a man standing below him staring up at him in awe. He smiled as he angled his glider down and stopped beside him.

"Excuse me, sir, but I'm trying to find the quickest route to the Empire State Building, do you know of a way?"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!" the man said, running off.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah? I don't know where that is," Harry called after him. "Is it a street name or something?"

He looked back and saw that Peter had almost caught up to him. He waited until Peter was just within reach before he hit the accelerator and flew back up into the sky again.

"DENIED!" Harry said, laughing.

He spun his index finger in the air as he imitated Jim Carrey.

"Lahoooooosaaaaaher," he said.

He looked at Mary Jane as she began to claw frantically at his arms.

"Um, MJ, would you quit doing that? Your nails hurt, you know," he said.

"Let me go!"

"Let you go? Didn't we already go through this?" he yelled at her.

"Spider-Man is gonna catch up to you and he'll make you pay for this!" Mary Jane screamed.

"Ah, here we are, at last!" he said, as he reached the top of the Empire State Building.

He stopped beside the spire and held Mary Jane against it with one hand while he reached into his bag and pulled out a bolo. He tied the bolo tight around Mary Jane and then sped off laughing as she screamed hysterically. He flew around and around the spire in a circle as he watched Peter draw closer.

"Hurry up, Peter, God, you are slower than molasses in January, Harry called out to him.

"Hang on, MJ, I'm coming!" Peter called out as Mary Jane screamed.

"Yeah, you've been coming ever since I grabbed her, and coming and coming. Seems you can't quite catch up though, Harry said.

He waited until Peter was almost to him, then; he suddenly hit the accelerator and smashed into his chest with the glider. He watched with glee as Peter was knocked from his web. He stood for a moment and watched him freefall through the air before he shot out a web line and caught himself on a building. Harry turned and maneuvered himself back up to Mary Jane.

"Enjoying the view?" he asked her.

Mary Jane screamed.

"No, I guess. Geez, women, you can't please them, Harry said.

He did a quick circle around the spire and stopped at Mary Jane again.

"Hey, MJ, I know who Spidey really is. Want me to tell you?"

"Spider-Man, Help!"

Harry shrugged.

"Your loss."

He did another circle and saw that Peter was nearing him again. He pulled a pumpkin bomb out of his bag. Pressing the detonator, he hurled it at the web line. He chuckled as the bomb exploded and Peter once again fell.

"Oooops! I'm sorry, my bomb must have slipped from my bag, clumsy me," Harry said grinning.

He sighed as he saw Peter shoot out another web line.

"Peter, I swear, you are like the Energizer Bunny."

He did another circle around the spire.

"Hum de dum de dum." He said to himself as he went around again.

He stopped by Mary Jane.

"Sure you don't wanna know who he is?" he asked her. "His first name begins with a..."

He looked back around as he saw a smile spread over Mary Jane's face. He stared at her and then back at Peter and then at Mary Jane again. Harry smirked as he reached out and untied the bolo. He grabbed Mary Jane and threw her off the glider.

"Catch that, buster!" he yelled out to Peter.

"NO!" Peter screamed as he let go of the web and did a free fall towards Mary Jane.

"YES!" Harry said, laughing as he watched.

He watched as Peter did a power dive.

"And he almost has his girlfriend, he's almost got her, he's going, going, going, GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!" Harry said, throwing his arms above his head as he saw Peter catch Mary Jane around the waist and web sling her over to the top of a nearby building.

He clapped as he saw Peter and Mary Jane stare up at him.

"Bravo! Bravo! Excellent save, my man!" he screamed out.

"I'm gonna get you for this!" Peter cried up at him.

"Not if I get you first, Spidey!" Harry called back. "Better get all 8 of your legs in gear because here I come!"

Harry swooped down and angled himself behind Peter as he picked up Mary Jane and began to run across the building. He turned on his machine guns and laughed as he saw Peter running for his life in front of him.

"I went to the danger zooooooooooooone!" Harry sang as he sped after them. "Ah, life is good sometimes."

Suddenly, Peter twisted his body around quickly and shot out a gooey web that disabled the machine guns. Harry groaned as he tried to get them working again.

"Damn it! You know how hard it is to get that web crap off of my stuff?" he cried out. "Oooooooo, that's it, no one messes with my glider. Time for a Spidey/MJ kabob!"

He hit another button on his flight suit and a prong came out the front of the glider.

"Web this up if you can, jerk!" he called out as he angled in lower.

He watched as Peter stopped and turned to him.

"Oh, this oughta be good! Yeah, try to stop this baby from skewering your pathetic carcass!" Harry yelled.

Suddenly, at the last moment, Peter dived out of the way with Mary Jane and landed on his back. Harry stared at him as he went past.

"Impressive," he said to himself.

Harry's eyes widened as he saw Peter shoot out a web line and catch the back of his glider. He yelled as Peter grabbed the line with both hands and pulled as hard as he could.

"Shit!" Harry screamed as the glider jerked and went backwards.

Harry cried out as he fell off the back and landed on his head, as the glider went skidding on its back across the top of the roof.

"Ow, my head." Harry moaned.

His gulped when he suddenly saw Peter standing over him. He looked up and saw that the glider had skidded across the roof out of his reach. He looked back up at Peter who had folded his arms across his chest.

"Um, heh heh, hey, wasn't this a fun day?" Harry began sheepishly. "I know you had a great workout and you got to spend some time with MJ. Just that alone was worth putting up with me, huh? Um, you are gonna let me go now, huh, old buddy, old pal?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"DAMN IT! CAN'T YOU TAKE A JOKE?" Harry screamed out as the cell door slid back. "I WAS BORED, OKAY? SHEESH!"

He went over to the cot and slumped down on it.

"Stupid moron, doesn't know when someone's kidding," Harry muttered.

He glanced around at the cell and sighed.

"God, now I'm really, really, bored."

THE END


End file.
